New Chapter Part II

I'm back and I've had a nap, so we can pick up again.

I think another thing I'm nervous about with this upcoming year is that my husband is also taking a sabbatical. Here's what I mean - it takes me a while sometimes to get in the groove to write, to clear my head and get a few ideas flowing. So, sometimes, I'll have gone to that effort, be right in the middle of something great (it does happen on occasion), and then he comes bursting in with a question or a comment and it ruins everything. And then I feel guilty about not meeting my family responsibilities or loving them all enough or something.

There's another thing, too. Suffocating people. Suffocating as in the adjective, not the verb. I don't consider myself to be competitive but for one thing mainly - I love theatre and I want to be great at it, particularly directing and writing. The wonderful thing about that is that I don't feel threatened when other people create great work. I love being delighted and surprised about what another person has accomplished under the lights and in front of a hushed crowd. What I don't like is when something sucks and the audience rises to their feet.

Back to suffocating people. Though I have my passions and, at times, my jealousies, I don't seek the spotlight for myself. I don't need constant attention in any of the spheres I run in. But I know some people who always need to sidle in there and talk about whatever they're doing or adjust the lightbulb to shine on their faces. It's just hard for them to let other people grow around them and get to excited for them about what might be happening in their lives. I find myself not talking about the great things that are happening to me because these suffocating people will just change the subject and turn up their own volume.

I know. I just sounded like a classic suffocating person right there. But I'm not, I know I'm not. So, who cares about suffocating people anyway? Exactly. It's one of my goals, to work hard enough and be so immersed in whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing that I am impervious to suffocation.

All right, time to get back to "Tooth-Sized Hole," formerly known as "Scapedog."

Thanks again for being there.

New Chapter Part I

My one year sabbatical starts today. In the past two weeks, I've had many "So, you must be excited about your year off . . . " conversations. Yes, I am, but there are a number of other emotions at play as well.

Primarily, the huge amount of time I have at my disposal in the upcoming year is a huge responsibility. I'm 38. I have two kids (who get bigger every time I look at them). I'm fat (as previously discussed - things have gone from bad to worse), and I need to get into shape. I'm also concerned about spending too much money. It's easy to not overspend when you're working, but when you're not working, there's more time to notice all the things around the house that need replacing.

I sound ungrateful. I'm not. I'm completely grateful. I just don't wanna mess this up, you know? The last two months have been rigorous. I love my job, but for a while there I couldn't fit another thought in my brain than what I absolutely had to to get through the day. I want to write. I've been writing, but lately it sucks. I keep working and moving forward because writing takes faith and discipline - the only way to not get anything off the ground is not to do anything at all.

Thanks for listening. There's more to come, but I got a call and I have to run.