Cape Fear

So,things are crazy around here right now. There's been some job stuff - changes, shuffling, you know, stuff - and that has thrust me into having to really face the school year coming up and all that will entail. It's all good, it's just there are some unknown quantities that translate into "this school year is gonna be hella busy." Writing 'to do' lists helps to mitigate the chaos. I swore off 'to do' lists when I was an at home mom at the time my kids were little. It is so depressing to come across a piece of paper in May that has "October - finish drapes for Georgia's room" written on it and and it didn't get done and all it felt like I did during that time was hold a baby. But somehow, now, the 'to do' thing helps clear my head. These days, it's things like, "Haircut 12:30", "Meet with Joel 1:45", "Call Dave and ask if he got in touch with Evelyn."

Out of the blue, without being entirely aware of it, I actually wrote this down on my page today: "Deal with fear about sending scripts to companies that have invited me to."

In July, I sent a query to the Wilma Theater in Philadelphia. I got a message back from the guy that deals with that sort of thing (not sure if he's the literary manager or associate producer . . . his name's Will and he seems very nice) wanting to see the full script, so I sent it. That's easy. He asked, I submitted. Now I go on with my life as usual until he gets back to me.

I've been in this position before with a few prominent theatre companies. I would give my eyeteeth to be produced at these places. They asked for a script, I sent it and then they wrote back to say that though that particular script isn't right for them, they really like my work and would I send them something else? At which I get a warm feeling inside and then go on with my day as though it didn't happen.

Ummm . . . what?

I have other plays. Most need rewrites. I've avoided getting to them. Here's the thing: What if I send something and they don't like it? And then they decide that they were wrong about me and write me off? The fear of that scenario is nothing short of arresting. At least this way, I'm sustaining mystery. Who doesn't love a little mystery?

I know. Hence the list item.

I have had some experiences in this past year which have been completely life-changing. I will tell you about them in detail some time. The bottom line is that fear has to go. I don't know how, but it's on my list. Please understand that this is a big deal. Remember the mouse thing way back? Along those lines.

Love you, blogosphere. G'day.